Access is gained by getting your head stuck in a brick, sliding backwards and entering a giant, magical lead pipe.
Beyond it is a dimension not only of sprites and of sound, but of power-ups.
In a sea of concept and cliché as vast and endless as man's imagination, you'll find
that logic is dead, absurdity reigns and escape is impossible.

There's a save point up ahead. Your next stop:

The drink: Never learned to swim. Can't catch the rhythm of the stroke. Why should I hold my breath? Fearing that I might choke? (?/?/2001) Blondes: Rooooxaaaane... you don't have to wear that dress tonight!

(new version: 8/30/2006)

You gonna eat that?: Have some more chicken, have some more pie. It doesn't matter if it's boiled or fried.

(Updated 5/30/07)
Slippidy Doo Dah: He meant to do that.
A Word From Our Sponsor:

(new verson: 9/6/2006)

Comics Code: With a great license comes great responsibility. Eh, not really. They'll buy it anyway.

(new verson: ?/?/2006 - updated 5/30/2007)
Steel Drums: Even heavy metallers give up and yield when they listen to our drummer, y'all... and his drums of steel Captain Commando's Secret Identity discovered?: True identity hidden inside secret tabloids!
'Could be' Crossovers and Cameos: Connecting the dots or grasping for straws? You make the call!

(new verson: 9/6/2006 - updated 5/30/2007)

Bootleg Wrestlers: I slayed emcees back in the rec room era. My style broke motherf***in' backs like Ken Patera.

(Updated 1/11/12)
Sidbillies: No bad girls allowed!
(added: 9/27/09)
The most evil man in video game history: Badder than the deep blue sea. Badder than you and me.
(original:?/?/2002? - new: 7/19/10)

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(okay, maybe escape is possible. BUT STILL.)